Do you always settle for less? I feel like I do, a lot of the times. I had an empowered conversation with my coworkers this past weekend. We were talking about relationships. I’m aging gracefully but my love life isn’t….lol
I’ve been thinking about my future. I don’t want to be in a loveless relationship for the rest of my life. Sure, we love each other. Sure, we care for each other. But ultimately, we don’t connect. I need more than “comfort”. We’ve never encountered any infedelity issues. Nothing like that. But I feel like I’m always the one making an effort. Why was it/ is it so hard to just have a nice dinner together or just spend quality time together. I’m a very calm and collected person. I hate being around a lot of negative energy or anyone’s bipolar problems.
Thinking back, my biggest problem was having too much faith in someone. I always looked out for the better and over looked the worst. But plainly, the worst was in plain view. I chose not to accept it. That got me nowhere. I could have spent the best of my late teens to early - mid 20’s on great things, but I settled. I settled for a relationship that was blossoming and then staggered.
I look at “love” in a different light now. If I were to be alone forever, I’d be indifferent about it. I frankly don’t believe in true love anymore. I’m so over it. Sure, I meet a tiny drop of guys that might pull at the heart strings. But I always remind myself of my current circumstances and I snap back into reality. I don’t ever expect anything to last. But the good feelings that I have for them felt good for the time that I felt them. If you’re one of these guys, just know that I’ve never harbored any bad feelings for yah ok. I actually thank you for that little spark in my life when I needed it.
Getting older, I’m not settling anymore. I’m going to try and be more bold and go after all I’ve wanted and been waiting for. If I never find “him”, I’ll be okay with that too. Bad karma, I reckon. I have a handicapped heart. lol
